I wish my penis had an off switch
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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