We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize