This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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