I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
