i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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