He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
