Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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