my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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