I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You smell like stripper and shame
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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