Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
