I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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