I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
