yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
