how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
its liver damage thursday
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
