in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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