I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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