The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
