Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Best friends brother. Beat that.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
