i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
