i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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