my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
