Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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