Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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