I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
