ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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