I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize