And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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