It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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