dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
