The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
