i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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