so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i think i have herpe
just one?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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