I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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