I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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