When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
