All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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