I hate all girls vehemently.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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