you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
