I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
