I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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