seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
