Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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