What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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