My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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