Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
