The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
