Can Purell be used as lube?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize