So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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