So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
