The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
that's an acceptable place to lick
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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