I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
