i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
