we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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