Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
