On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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