I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize