all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
