just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
