my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
