Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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