Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
