just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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