I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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