i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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