Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
