I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
