so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize