i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
