I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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