What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
