If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
