I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
