too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The power of my boobs compel you
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
