But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Sext me about skeletons
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
