You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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