remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
