I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Vodka?
Forever.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
