the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
