you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Success! We fucked roommates!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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