I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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