Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
