Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
