Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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