I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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