How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
