do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
