I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
