Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
