My nipple is on Facebook.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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